so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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