Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
