I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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