Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
