I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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