final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
