Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
