She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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