I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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