??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
