the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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