I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
