one two three fourrrrnication!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
