How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
