Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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