your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
