I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
