butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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