And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
