I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Still dying that you shit outside
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
