dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How naked do you want me to be?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
