i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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