I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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