he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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