trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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