What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
