Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
