I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
