Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
