just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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