Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
