smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
