Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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