i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
