if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
