I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
