Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
