i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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