naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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