This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
