i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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