I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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