the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
