oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
