Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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