he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
