I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
