OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
