Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so that wasnt chicken after all
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
