Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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