I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
