Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
