it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I understand Curling. That high.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
