Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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