My girlfriend figured out who you are.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
