i would punch a child for taco bell
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
