i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
