every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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