And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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